


groupchat mayhem!

by red_runner



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Acxa & Keith (Voltron) are Siblings, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Aromantic Asexual Pidge | Katie Holt, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Bisexual Matt Holt, Cuban Lance (Voltron), Established Adam/Shiro (Voltron), Everyone Is Gay, F/F, F/M, Gay Adam (Voltron), Gay Keith (Voltron), Gay Shiro (Voltron), Gender-Neutral Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Japanese Keith (Voltron), Keith (Voltron) Has Anxiety, Lance (Voltron) Has ADHD, Lesbian Allura (Voltron), Lesbian Romelle (Voltron), M/M, Multi, Nonbinary Pidge | Katie Holt, Pansexual Hunk (Voltron), Shiro (Voltron) Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Trans Romelle (Voltron), adam is also biracial, broganes, groupchat au, lance as u expected will come out in this fic, matt is a madlad, nyma is biracial, rolo is biracial, well halfsiblings but still
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-10
Updated: 2019-08-10
Packaged: 2020-06-29 20:38:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19838095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/red_runner/pseuds/red_runner
Summary: Keith, a natural born loner, has his life unexpectedly change when he's accidently added into a group chat.florida man:do u live in floridakeith:noflorida man:What even is the Pointapollo himself:matt is a madlad don't mind him.





	groupchat mayhem!

**Author's Note:**

> i'd just like to say this is probably gonna be one of my last vld writings-in general i've become a bit disinterested w/ vld and i just i've been moving on. 
> 
> *salute* its been nice serving with u boys. 
> 
> [though ill probably still tweet about kl because they'll always be in the back of my mind.]
> 
> plus, ive got other fanfictions planned and even a catradora miniseries in my rotting wattpad storage bank! all of which im very excited for.
> 
> anyhow, thank you to my...associates...for looking it over! < 3
> 
> edit: i forgot the...line thingy :pensive:
> 
> edit: nice, sixty nine kudos...

Keith scrolls aimlessly through his social media feed, the white screen shining upon his face. _Nothing is new_ , he thinks, _nothing new will load —no matter how many times I swipe up_. It's all quite dull—as now he knows he is going to have to wait at least a couple hours to have something new appear upon the screen to distract him from the suffocating solitude of his bedroom. The worse part is he can't think of something to preoccupy him while he waits for new posts to manifest—so all he can do is lay there.

_Living a life of luxury_ , a sarcastic voice supplies.

Just before he goes to turn off his phone and ravage the kitchen for food to try distract himself, his phone vibrates once in his hands—then twice—then five times—then, what he can only estimate to be ten times. He turns it back on with a small click, seeing the 'text messages received' notification upon the screen. His first thought is it's Shiro—he's probably checking in on him, but, his eyes drift up towards a unfamiliar group chat name—''Pack of Animals''. Thus, he's intrigued, tapping it.

> _pidge has a gun has added sharpshooter, Akira Kogane, apollo himself, Allura and florida man to the conversation_
> 
> _pidge has a gun has named the chat Pack of Animals_
> 
> **florida man:** fitting
> 
> **pidge has a gun:** thank u, mein bruder 
> 
> **sharpshooter:** ALLURA!!!!!!!! hewwo my sweet!
> 
> **Allura:** Hello, Lance! Hello, everyone! 
> 
> **apollo himself:** already have a feeling im gonna have to mute this
> 
> **sharpshooter:** aw hunk u know u love us
> 
> **apollo himself:** yes, but do i love notifs? no
> 
> **florida man:** notifs make my tummy rumble
> 
> **sharpshooter:** don't like that
> 
> **pidge has a gun:** matt talk about vore again and i wont give u admin permissions
> 
> **florida man:** understandable have a nice day

Keith was confused— _who_ just were these people? Why had they added him to this group chat? His mind supplied within an instant that it was a mistake, and that he should leave--but, he honestly wondered if it was purposeful, and thus, decided to chime in.

> **sharpshooter:** anyway allura. 💕💓💖💓💞💖💗❤ my sweet how is romelle
> 
> **Allura:** Shouldn't you ask her herself, Lance? She is in this chat, after all.
> 
> **sharpshooter:** ah right, a fool i am, @akinnie, how r u my lovely lesbian?
> 
> **sharpshooter** : hey the @ didn't load
> 
> **Akira Kogane:** i think i know why
> 
> **apollo himself:** FUCKKSJSJEJSNSJAJS
> 
> **sharpshooter:** OH MY GOD ROMELLE HAS BEEN MURDERED
> 
> **florida man** : love ur ominous and foreboding energy stranger
> 
> **pidge has a gun** : ya comrade has fucked up fellas i apologize
> 
> **pidge has a gun:** also sorry my good stranger u want me to boot u out?
> 
> **Akira Kogane:** would it be weird if I said no?
> 
> **pidge has a gun:** not really since we are very entertaining and complex people
> 
> **sharpshooter:** i am a man of various anime protagonist backstories.
> 
> **pidge has a gun:** new friend; acquired 
> 
> **florida man:** so buddy have you ever committed a crime
> 
> **apollo himself:** matt Please
> 
> **Allura:** It is nice to meet you Akira! 😆
> 
> **Akira Kogane:** nice to meet you too
> 
> **sharpshooter:** the names lance, nice to meet you, my lovely lady akira
> 
> **Akira Kogane:** i'm a dude
> 
> **sharpshooter:** kajsjsjjsksjsuusejejsj oh sushsjksn ok sorry
> 
> **pidge has a gun:** what a baby
> 
> **Akira Kogane:** u can also call me keith btw.
> 
> **Akira Kogane:** only my family rlly calls me akira
> 
> **pidge has a gun:** okay then, keith
> 
> **pidge has a gun:** also they/them pronouns for me keith pls and ty
> 
> **Akira Kogane:** alright
> 
> _pidge has a gun has changed Akira Kogane's name to keith_
> 
> **keith:** was gonna do that but thanks anyhow
> 
> **pidge has a gun:** you are welcome
> 
> **florida man:** do u live in florida
> 
> **keith:** no
> 
> **florida man:** What even is the Point
> 
> **apollo himself:** matt is a madlad don't mind him.
> 
> _pidge has a gun has added akinnie to the conversation_
> 
> **akinnie:** wow i cannot believe you didnt add me before
> 
> **keith:** there was a mix up.
> 
> **akinnie:** who......................?
> 
> **pidge has a gun:** i mustve not been looking when i typed in your thing romelle because i accidently added keith but its ok hes here to observe the animals
> 
> **akinnie** : oh
> 
> **akinnie:** y do u have a stranger on ur phone pidge
> 
> **akinnie:** what secrets are u keeping
> 
> **keith:** do you know my brother or something because he seems like the type to just hand out my phone number
> 
> **pidge has a gun:** who is the brother
> 
> **keith:** his name is shiro
> 
> **florida man:** I KNOW THAT MAN
> 
> **pidge has a gun:** slightly.
> 
> **florida man:** YOU ARE THE BABY KIN HE SPEAKS OF??? THE BABY KIN???
> 
> **keith:** please don't call me baby kin 
> 
> **florida man** : its the baby shiro. the baby.
> 
> **keith:** i'm not that much younger than him
> 
> **keith** : i'm not a baby
> 
> **sharpshooter:** yeah thats me im the baby
> 
> **pidge has a gun:** so you admit it.
> 
> **sharpshooter:** baby pride
> 
> **keith:** I don't like where this conversation has headed
> 
> **florida man:** this also means lance is still the only het rejoice my fellows rejoice
> 
> **keith:** ....of course shiro shared my entire life story didnt he? 
> 
> **sharpshooter:** what
> 
> **keith:** im gay
> 
> **akinnie:** welcome to the club my fellow homosexual
> 
> **keith:** thanks I guess
> 
> **sharpshooter:** oh
> 
> **pidge has a gun:** u feel non-platonic love? disgusting.
> 
> **florida man:** quiet sibling I have something very important to say
> 
> **pidge has a gun:** yes matt what is it 
> 
> **florida man:** the sasuke incident 
> 
> **keith:** I DID NOT STAY IN THIS GROUPCHAT OF STRANGERS TO BE HARASSED LIKE THIS 
> 
> **keith:** i cannot believe he told you that
> 
> **keith:** im gonna murder shiro. they're never gonna find his body.
> 
> **sharpshooter:** ok i'm interested now.
> 
> **sharpshooter:** what is the 'sasuke incident' 
> 
> **florida man:** be prepared for the tale of the century, lads
> 
> **keith:** please i'm begging
> 
> **keith:** don't tell it
> 
> **florida man:** so my man shiro is yknow just comin over to check on his baby bro yknow the usual overprotective brother stuff
> 
> **florida man:** so he walks in to see said baby brother slobbering on a printed out picture of sasuke on his pillow
> 
> **keith:** I hate this I hate you this is why adam is my favorite i'm gonna kill you
> 
> **florida man** : you dont know my location youll never catch me
> 
> **keith:** im gonna ask shiro
> 
> **florida man:** it was nice knowing you all
> 
> **sharpshooter:** aokjnkJNALDNKJDNDKADJADNADJBADADOJIADHEUAHD
> 
> **pidge has a gun:** hdhhsjsukkss
> 
> **apollo himself:** i would've gone with naturo but yknow we all have our own personal tastes
> 
> **akinnie:** skskskskakkkksksksksk
> 
> **Allura:** I am back, my uncle was bothering me over something. Also, Keith, I think thats really sweet! I'm sure we've all done something embarrassing over our crushes, whether fictional or real.
> 
> **keith:** allura is the only valid one in this chat all the rest of you can die.
> 
> **Allura:** Aww, thank you! 
> 
> **apollo himself:** guys don't scare off him already we just met him
> 
> **florida man:** sorry I just needed to tell it in order to confirm that this is the baby child
> 
> **pidge has a gun:** i cannot breathe
> 
> **pidge has a gun:** keith did u read y/n x sasuke fanfictions
> 
> **keith:** no comment 
> 
> **sharpshooter:** OH MY GOD YOU DID THATS SO CUTE
> 
> **keith:** what about no comment do you people not understand
> 
> **akinnie:** poor keith all y/n fanfics were she/her pronouns he probably never got to experience sasukes love fully
> 
> **keith:** STOP
> 
> **sharpshooter:** ):
> 
> **pidge has a gun:** god he's already fitting in so well
> 
> **keith:** I regret saying i'd stay
> 
> **sharpshooter** : awww u'll come around keithy!!
> 
> **keith:** don't call me keithy
> 
> **sharpshooter:** keithy
> 
> **keith:** i'm gonna become a serial killer
> 
> **florida man:** we're all apart of keith's villian origin story
> 
> **florida man:** also im
> 
> **florida man:** tempted to add shiro now
> 
> **keith:** DO NOT ADD SHIRO please
> 
> **florida man:** fine but only bc you said please
> 
> **keith:** thank you
> 
> **apollo himself:** im sorry keith theyre usually not this feral 
> 
> **keith:** whatever 
> 
> **sharpshooter:** he likes it
> 
> **keith:** I really do not
> 
> **sharpshooter:** ):
> 
> **apollo himself:** ANYWAY moving on, why does your brother even hand out your number?
> 
> **keith:** he says he wants me to make friends
> 
> **keith:** I have friends
> 
> **keith:** it just so happens that theyre mostly family
> 
> **sharpshooter:** aw lonely
> 
> **florida man:** shiro told me youre scared of meeting new people
> 
> **keith:** well im proving him wrong right now so
> 
> **florida man:** oh thats true
> 
> **florida man:** but its because he gave pidge your number
> 
> **florida man:** so it is kind of his doing
> 
> **keith:** don't patronize him
> 
> **sharpshooter:** mean
> 
> **keith:** no
> 
> **pidge has a gun:** oh i feel for the not being good at meeting new people
> 
> **pidge has a gun:** but i was unlucky enough to meet hunk and lance it all came spiraling down from there
> 
> **sharpshooter:** love u too <3
> 
> **apollo himself:** f
> 
> **keith:** oh
> 
> **keith:** nice I guess
> 
> **keith:** which one is hunk
> 
> **apollo himself:** me
> 
> **keith:** nice name
> 
> **apollo himself:** thanks but im not a hunk
> 
> **florida man:** yeah he's a bear
> 
> **apollo himself:** im not a bear either matt
> 
> **florida man:** yeah he's a bear
> 
> **sharpshooter:** aww hunk u r a hunk
> 
> **sharpshooter** : love of my life <3
> 
> **apollo himself:** ur just saying that
> 
> **pidge has a gun:** you're a bear because you give bear hugs
> 
> **apollo himself:** that was almost sweet
> 
> **apollo himself** : almost
> 
> **florida man:** anybody wanna rp sonic the hedgehog vore with me
> 
> **pidge has a gun:** what did i say about vore matt
> 
> **florida man:** suddenly i cant read
> 
> **sharpshooter:** matt please stop with the vore im gonna have a heart attack!!
> 
> **florida man** : no
> 
> **Allura:** What is 'vore'?
> 
> **keith:** .
> 
> **sharpshooter** : .
> 
> **pidge has a gun:** .
> 
> **apollo himself:** .
> 
> **akinnie:** .
> 
> **florida man:** well u see
> 
> **pidge has a gun:** say anymore matt and im banning you.
> 
> **florida man:** aw
> 
> **keith:** you dont want to know allura
> 
> **Allura:** Oh.....I see
> 
> **florida man:** this is censorship
> 
> **pidge has a gun:** thats it nobody but hunk gets admin commands
> 
> **apollo himself:** :3
> 
> _pidge has a gun has promoted apollo himself to admin_
> 
> **apollo himself** : now I can ban matt whenever I want
> 
> **florida man:** this is panphobia
> 
> **keith:** no we just don't like vore
> 
> **florida man:** this is vorephobia
> 
> **sharpshooter:** maybe it is 
> 
> **sharpshooter:** but vorephobes are just people with common sense
> 
> **keith:** ^
> 
> **sharpshooter:** adadkmas
> 
> **akinnie:** exactly
> 
> **Allura:** This is a very confusing conversation
> 
> **apollo himself:** indeed
> 
> **apollo himself:** anyone else we should add?
> 
> **pidge has a gun:** uhhhhhhh u wanna add shay?
> 
> **apollo himself:** ...........uhm
> 
> **sharpshooter:** aw he's nervous
> 
> **apollo himself:** no I just dont wanna scare her away 
> 
> **apollo himself** : well, more like I dont want you guys to scare her away
> 
> **sharpshooter:** het
> 
> **apollo himself:** its not het if i'm pan 
> 
> **akinnie:** you're one to talk
> 
> **sharpshooter:** shut up
> 
> **pidge has a gun:** Het
> 
> **akinnie:** Het
> 
> **apollo himself** : Het
> 
> **florida man:** Het
> 
> **Allura:** Het
> 
> **sharpshooter:** not you too allura!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> **keith:** ..
> 
> **keith:** Het
> 
> **sharpshooter:** akadnadajendjnaaajnddejas
> 
> **keith:** this is the most notifications i've ever
> 
> **keith:** dakadmade122
> 
> **keith:** 2i2ejnad88a88ad8dma
> 
> **sharpshooter:** oh no
> 
> **keith:** Who are you people?
> 
> **pidge has a gun:** he traveled dimensions
> 
> **sharpshooter:** into the akiraverse
> 
> **pidge has a gun:** adijnadd
> 
> **keith:** Oh no.
> 
> **keith:** Oh no...
> 
> **keith:** Please..
> 
> **florida man:** I REGCONIZE THAT CORRECT GRAMMAR ANYWHERE
> 
> **florida man:** Hello, Shiro.
> 
> **keith:** Its times like these I regret my decisions.
> 
> **sharpshooter:** adkdanjad did he steal the phone from keith
> 
> **keith:** I'm scrolling up
> 
> **keith:** Matt why do you have an obsession with 'vore'.
> 
> **keith:** Haha stupid Akira
> 
> **florida man:** shiro your texts are always so ominous it reminds me of my father
> 
> **keith:** How dare you
> 
> **keith:** I'm not gonna buy your groceries if you ever compare me to that old fart again
> 
> **pidge has a gun:** KOKANADMNAD HE CALLED DAD AN OLD FART 
> 
> **pidge has a gun:** shiro you're a comedian
> 
> **keith:** I doubt that but thank you anyway.
> 
> **keith:** Akira's chasing me around the house
> 
> **keith:** God he's threatened to kill you guys so many times
> 
> **keith:** Not surprising
> 
> **apollo himself:** after this I guess we're gonna have to add keith's older brother
> 
> **apollo himself:** he's already seen the horrors
> 
> **Allura** : Hello, Shiro!
> 
> **keith:** Hi Allura
> 
> **akinnie** : ew correct grammar
> 
> **Allura:** Don't 'ew' me.
> 
> **akinnie:** [softly] ew
> 
> **Allura:** Mean
> 
> **akinnie:** noooooo
> 
> **Allura:** Mean
> 
> **akinnie:** im sowwy )))):
> 
> **keith:** Who's akinnie
> 
> **akinnie:** romelle, u dont know me
> 
> **keith:** Oh, okay
> 
> **keith:** Akira's closing inadijaduhe6aydh
> 
> **keith:** 8uyy6aadad6yhjahd###dajdnj1i
> 
> **sharpshooter:** me on roblox
> 
> **keith:** i hate shiro dont add him I dont care if he's seen the chat he's a bully
> 
> **florida man** : @pidge has a gun add shiro
> 
> **pidge has a gun:** give me his number
> 
> **florida man:** ugh ok
> 
> **keith:** I hate this I hate you all shiro's laughing at me im gonna eat his face off
> 
> _pidge has a gun has added Takashi Shirogane to the chat_
> 
> _Takashi Shirogane has changed their name to Shiro hates Akira_
> 
> **Shiro hates Akira:** Hi
> 
> **keith:** akira hates you more
> 
> **Shiro hates Akira:** Quiet, child.
> 
> **florida man:** are you two in the same room
> 
> **florida man:** just texting eachother. in the same room.
> 
> **Shiro hates Akira:** No, I had to hide in my room because he was kicking and elbowing at me.
> 
> **Shiro hates Akira:** He has sharp elbows.
> 
> **keith:** and I have sharper knives
> 
> **Shiro hates Akira:** Try me.
> 
> **sharpshooter:** this is so fun to watch
> 
> **keith:** im glad you find my pain entertaining
> 
> **Allura:** I'm glad I do not have siblings
> 
> **Allura:** Though my uncle acts like a child.
> 
> **akinnie:** LEAVE CORAN ALONE
> 
> **sharpshooter:** LEAVE CORAN ALONE HE'S TRYING HIS HARDEST!!!!
> 
> **Allura:** Do not defend that manboy
> 
> **keith:** its worse when you have two
> 
> **Shiro hates Akira:** I know you like Acxa more than me.
> 
> **keith:** obviously when you're like this
> 
> **keith** : I like adam more than you
> 
> **Shiro hates Akira:** Adam likes me most.
> 
> **keith:** obviously he's your fiance
> 
> **Shiro hates Akira:** It still counts.
> 
> **sharpshooter:** daodkejaendads
> 
> **florida man:** haha homosexuality
> 
> **Shiro hates Akira:** Shut up Matt.
> 
> **florida man:** no
> 
> **Shiro hates Akira:** I'll shut you up myself when we're at work tomorrow
> 
> **florida man:** god i've got two of them now
> 
> **sharpshooter:** man keith for such a loner you have such a big family
> 
> **keith:** shiro's my foster brother
> 
> **keith:** acxa is the only blood relative
> 
> **keith:** other than my mom
> 
> **Shiro hates Akira:** We were in foster care together until Keith's mom finally found him
> 
> **Shiro hates Akira:** We come as a duo so she had to adopt me.
> 
> **keith:** its true
> 
> **sharpshooter:** did she loose you or smth???
> 
> **keith:** something like that
> 
> **pidge has a gun:** big f
> 
> **apollo himself:** big f
> 
> **sharpshooter:** ditto
> 
> **Allura:** Well, I'm glad you two still have eachother! Despite the threats you two seem very close!
> 
> **keith:** wanting to murder your sibling is just sibling culture
> 
> **Shiro hates Akira:** Indeed.
> 
> **Shiro hates Akira:** Also leave Coran alone he's trying his best.
> 
> **Allura:** Not you too
> 
> **Shiro hates Akira:** He's an okay boss.
> 
> **Allura:** I take back every nice thing I've ever said to you.
> 
> **Shiro hates Akira:** Wow mean.
> 
> **florida man:** I Can Also Talk In Grammar
> 
> **Shiro hates Akira:** That isn't correct grammar.
> 
> **florida man:** all i want is to be included.
> 
> **pidge has a gun:** shut up matt
> 
> **keith:** oh moms home
> 
> **keith** : i have to go
> 
> **keith:** she brought home pizza
> 
> **keith:** bye
> 
> **sharpshooter:** bye!!!
> 
> **akinnie:** bye.
> 
> **pidge has a gun:** godnite sweet prince
> 
> **Allura:** Farewell!
> 
> **apollo himself** : bye!
> 
> **florida man:** good morrow.
> 
> **Shiro hates Akira:** Bye
> 
> **keith:** why are you saying bye its your dinner too

**Author's Note:**

> [my twitter](https://twitter.com/hellhound_inc) | [my curiouscat](https://t.co/qLfpp04BG0?amp=1) | [my tumblr](https://t.co/GIhb15M94C?amp=1)


End file.
